


On the Edge

by the_gayest_bamtori_here



Series: Beomgyu Hurt/Comfort Fics [5]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, BTS are in here for a bit, Baby Choi Beomgyu, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of it, Mental Breakdown, Other, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, but only briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25083370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_gayest_bamtori_here/pseuds/the_gayest_bamtori_here
Summary: Beomgyu is a wound-up rubber band of stress that's about to snap-in half
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu & Everyone
Series: Beomgyu Hurt/Comfort Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769812
Comments: 4
Kudos: 102





	On the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> I've been through hell and back with mental health so I haven't been able to write or post. But now I'm feeling better and decided to make Beomgyu relive my weeks of hell. I kept it as close to the events that happened with me but modified them for a more interesting story, and also added a few things.
> 
> Enjoy!

As soon as he woke up that morning, Beomgyu knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. He sat up to grab his phone to check the time but was met with a wave of uneasiness and fatigue. His limbs and chest felt like weights were strapped onto them, so he could barely move or breathe. His heart was picking up speed like he had run a marathon, but chills racked his body as if he were outside in a snowstorm. He was panicking, that’s all he knew. There wasn’t any sign of danger, but he felt as if he was going to die. 

He didn’t make any sounds as he let out a silent sob. It felt like torture, every last second of it. 

Is he dying?

He tried his best to push the fatigue back so he could look over to Soobin, hopefully, he could help him. But when he looked over to the other’s bed, he found it empty. Where was he? It’s too early to be up unless there was a schedule. Wait, what day is it? Oh, right. They did have a schedule today, and he should be up right now. He couldn’t move though. Every movement he made another wave of fatigue hit him and he would crash back onto his pillow and made him completely useless. But it could’ve been worse for him, could’ve had dance practice today. Lucky for him it was only recording and voice training. Oh, but it involves sitting up and that’s difficult right now.

He gave out a sigh. He should try to get out of bed and maybe eat something, even if it means he has to crawl. On a count of three, Beomgyu lifted his body off his bed and swung his long legs off the side. It feels so weird and uncomfortable, and his heart was beating even faster than before. He pushed past the fatigue and made his way to the door and opened it, then lowered himself onto the floor. It was too much for his body.

When did he let things get this bad?

~ A few days ago~

The stress was building up inside of him, bubbling, and sizzling like a witch’s cauldron about to spill over. The stress was keeping Beomgyu on the constant edge of breaking down, again. His last mental breakdown only happened yesterday, and it was small enough to barely count as a breakdown, but it still hit hard. He hid in the closet, watching random videos to distract himself while tears fell down his face. He doesn’t remember why he broke down, probably means it wasn’t important.

Right now, he was at the very brim of the cauldron, anything could pull him over the edge. That’s what made him lash out at Yeonjun.

He didn’t mean to, really; it just came out. The older man was being a little more bossy than usual during dance practice and it was irritating the younger man. He knew the others were fed up with him too but didn’t say anything, just silently nodded and obeyed. Not only was he being bossy to everyone, but also being overly condescending. He was treating them as if they were young children who didn’t understand anything going on around them.

“You need to move your arms like this.” “That’s not your left, this is your left.” “You don’t know that; I would know as I am older.” “Stop acting like children.” “You’re off half a beat.” “WRONG!”

What pushed Beomgyu over the edge was when Yeonjun went off on Soobin because he was mumbling under his breath about Yeonjun’s attitude. The eldest started yelling at him about being a child, disrespecting someone older than him, being a brat, and more. Beomgyu could see his hyung’s wet eyes, tears were threatening to spill over as he quivered in front of the older man. Yeonjun’s comment about how bad of a leader Soobin was being right now and the tears falling down the leader’s face sent Beomgyu in a rage. 

“Just shut up! You’re so rude and demanding and irritating, just shut up! How bad of a person do you have to be to make Soobin cry over something as stupid as mumbling? Do you want respect? Earn it! You know what? I don’t respect you at all! I can’t stand you anymore! I’m leaving!”

Beomgyu rushed out of the room, ignoring all the yells from the other members. He couldn’t hear Yeonjun yelling at him for talking to him like that, or Soobin telling him to apologize, or the younger ones shouting for him to come back. Beomgyu was breaking down, he could feel it. The look of pain was branded on the young man’s face and tears were streaming down like a waterfall. 

He heard faint sounds in his ears, sounded like his BTS-hyungs. Then he felt arms clutching onto his waist, which sent chills and shock through his body. Sobs and whimpers were breaking from his lips, he wanted to go back to the dorms so bad. More arms were circling him and bodies pressed against him, bringing warmth but little comfort to him. His face was guided into someone’s chest.

“Beomgyu? “ No doubt that was Jimin. “Are you okay, baby? Hyungs are here, tell us what’s wrong.”

“Sweetie, I need you to breathe,” Yoongi, “deep breaths for hyungie.”

“Wanna go home. Wanna go back to the dorms, please,” was all he could say before choking and sobbing again. His legs gave out underneath him but his hyungs were there to support him, but Beomgyu made it hard for them. He twisted his body around, trying to run away from them so he could go home. His hyungs kept their arms around him and slowly lowered him to the ground.

Jungkook grabbed Beomgyu around the waist and brought him into his lap, hugging him tightly to keep him from squirming, and rocked him back and forth. Beomgyu’s loud sobs were muffled in the fabric of his shirt that was quickly getting drenched by all the tears. He was being treated like a baby again.

“I wanna go home.”

“Shhh, we’ll bring you home. Just stop moving around and we’ll bring you home.”

Beomgyu listened to his Hyung and stopped moving. All of his hyungs let out a sigh of relief and left Jungkook to take care of the rest while they go to talk to the rest of TXT. One car ride and a tearful walk later, Beomgyu was back in his dorm. The moment he closed the door he ran straight to the small closet he used to use as his room. 

He locked the door just in case the others returned home early, and promptly sunk further into a bad headspace. He fluctuated from loud cries to silent sobs, digging his nails into his forearms and scratching them like ants were crawling on him, he couldn’t see because of all the tears in his eyes, and he couldn’t breathe all that well. 

Why was he so stupid? Did he need to lash out like that? He couldn’t let Yeonjun treat Soobin that way, he knows the leader is sensitive. But he could have just talked to Yeonjun about the way he’s been treating them, like adults and not children. He was childish. Yeonjun probably hates him now, they all probably hate him now for acting that way. What if they hurt him? This was all his fault. He wanted a way to get rid of the pain, anyway. Even death would work.

Before he could get into an even worse headspace, he heard a knock on the door.

“Beomgyu? Please open the door, I just want to talk to you.” It was Yeonjun. He didn’t want to see or talk to him out of fear of what he might do to him. But he sucked up enough strength to get up and open the door. 

The moment the door was open, Beomgyu was brought into Yeonjun’s arms and pressed against his chest. The dam broke again, and now more tears were falling. 

“H-Hyung, I’m s-s-sorry. I was a-an idiot, I-I didn’t m-mean it. Don’t h-hurt me p-plea-please. Don’t ha-hate me! I’m so-so so-sorry!”

“Beomgyu, Beomgyu. Please stop crying, it’s going to be okay. Hyungie loves you and he would never hurt you, never. It’s going to be okay baby. Hyungie loves you so much, my baby, nothing is going to happen. I’m so sorry for yelling at you guys, and I already apologized to Soobin. Let’s get you cleaned up and then we can all watch a movie and eat.”

After that, the eldest wiped up some of his tears and sent him straight to the bathroom. He showered and was given some comfy clothes to wear. The rest of the members were in the living room, also sporting comfy clothes, with bags of take-out and a movie playing on the T.V. All Beomgyu could do was collapse in the center of the blanket pile Huening Kai made and fall asleep.

Since then he’s been having multiple panic attacks and was having trouble sleeping, and it’s been taking a toll on him physically. The day after his mental breakdown, he woke up feeling extremely cold and weak. It wasn’t bad but wasn’t great either. 

Then that night he had another panic attack and then slept in the living room. Woke up at 4 in the morning, had another panic attack, and sat awake the rest of the early morning. Later in the day he was able to take a nap, but then woke up extremely weak again. Another panic attack later, the members found him panicking and managed to calm him down. 

~Back to the present~

Beomgyu was now on the floor, cold and alone. He tried to sit up, but he couldn’t support his head or upper body. He laid there, boneless. 

So many thoughts were running through his head, stampedes of thoughts. Was this caused by some disease? What if it’s a disease that can’t be cured and he could die. He doesn’t want to die. He’s still young and has so much to do with his life. What if. What if. What if…

“Beomgyu Hyung? What are you doing on the floor, is something wrong?”

“Taehyunnie?” He sobbed out in relief. Finally, someone found him! “I can’t move, my body is so weak. I can’t do much besides crawling, and even that’s hard. I’m scared and panicking. Help!” He continued crying.

“Don’t worry, Hyung. I got you. “ He said to Beomgyu as he scooped him up into his arms. The older man buried his face into Taehyun’s neck, pressing himself as close as he could to feel his warmth.

Taehyun carried him to the kitchen and settled him down onto the nearest chair. Still feeling very weak, Beomgyu dropped his head onto the table. The other members were confused by his entrance, a little concerned to say the least. Soobin was on a call with the manager but paused mid-sentence when the two members walked in, quickly going back to talking when the manager questioned him.

“Um, Hyung? Why was Taehyunnie-Hyung carrying you, is something wrong with your legs?”

Beomgyu raised his head a little with what strength he still had.

“My body feels so weak. I’m so tired and scared and panicky. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m scared. What if it’s some illness that could kill me? I don’t want to die!”

“Beommie, calm down. Breathe. Nothing is wrong with you. You had two mental breakdowns in a row, several panic attacks, you’re stressed beyond imaginable, and you’re running off of little sleep in the past few days. Your body is exhausted! Think how much energy those breakdowns and panic attacks have stripped from your sleep-deprived body. You’re exhausted and thinking too much. Let’s get you calmed down. We’ll talk about anything you want to distract you. Okay?”

Beomgyu nodded his head and then brought up the topic of anime, anime always made him feel better. He talked about a new show he was watching called Haikyu, a show about high schoolers playing volleyball. He was only a few episodes in and he already loved it, even emitted that it makes him want to do volleyball. He sat up more and kicked his legs around when he got excited about a few characters he liked. He felt stronger and much more energized now that he wasn’t panicking or thinking about the heaviness in his limbs.

The members watched the mood maker going back to his normal, talkative self with fond smiles. It hurts them to see Beomgyu, or any of the other members, at their lowest and weakest point. They would all do anything in their power to keep each other strong and happy.

“Guys! I got news from our manager! The schedule for today was actually made for tomorrow, which means we get a day off because they don’t have any backup plans or anything. Yay!”

Cheers and sighs of relief came from around the room. 

“Hey, Beommie?”

“Yeah, Binnie-Hyung?”

“Want to play some video games? To keep your mind off of things and to have fun?”

“Yes! I’m so going to beat you at all of them!” He yelled as he sprinted towards their shared room. Soobin scoffed at him and ran after him, yelling about how he was going to kick his ass. The others just smiled and chuckled.

Their Beomgyu was going to be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally getting back into writing after breaking down a couple of weeks ago. Hope you enjoyed this fic and continue to read my future fics along with my previous fics :)


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